One more move.....

    Well for any of you who do follow me on here, basically Mom. I am moving on to a different blog site on the advice from Courtney which I talked about earlier. My blog can be found at http://healthyhappyhotmess.wordpress.com/ Hope to see you there! Adios!

Great Advice

     I have mentioned here that I am really wanting to get into more and better blogging. To succeed and basically get on the right path for that, I decided to email an author of a blog I really like. I emailed Courtney of the Sweet Tooth Sweet Life blog. I found her blog a couple months again and I am an addict. She is so down to earth and seems to really have found a balance in her life despite struggles with her body. She is very inspiration and she had very positive advice to give.
      The advice that Courtney told me was to go for it if this was my passion and just put it out there. Which I have that step down, I have started, I just don't have a good pattern of posting down yet. That is one of my "to-do's". She also suggested opening social media accounts like Facebook and Twitter. I opened a Twitter account today and I have this on my Facebook as well! So I have some steps done...makes me feel a bit more confident. One thing I don't do enough on that she suggested was pictures. So I told Jeremy today that I wanted, needed and was going to take more pictures for my blog. I think he thinks I am a little nutty but I don't care! He married me!!
     I will have to work on my Twitter account a bit to figure out how to use, but at least I have an account now! As for the pictures, I am going to get on that! I have my super phone as I like to call it and obviously a camera so no reason not too!
     Soon, it is on to the weekend. Tonight Jeremy and I are having a little BBQ with our friend (and my co-worker) Casey. We are going to have a few cocktails and some delicious food cooked by Jeremy. Tomorrow is a much needed hair appointment followed by a good friend's 30th birthday celebration at the wineries nearby! Lots to look forward to this weekend and to me it seems like a lot of "Kodak" (blog) moments.

Quitting

     Well I quit today. Nothing drastic, just Weight Watchers. While I have enjoyed using it and it has helped enlighten me to certain eating patterns and habits of mine I decided today that enough was enough and I was over it. So, I cancelled my account. Is it weird I kind of have a free feeling??
     One of the reasons I quit WW today was that I have started reading a book called Integrative Nutrition that has some really good, solid advice on nutrition and makes excellent points through and through about food and the effect is has on our body. It's realistic and some of the viewpoints in it remind me of the Intuitive Eating book I read.  I really am enjoying reading it and am actually letting what the author is saying sink into my (sometimes closed) mind.
     Even though I did quit WW I am tracking my food because I have been having some stomach issues lately and also the Integrative Nutrition book recommends doing so for awhile to see how foods make you FEEL. Not just feel physically, but how it energizes you or mellow you out. You may think this sounds a little off the wall but it does make sense and I am doing it for both those purposes. No calorie counting or points calculating though. I really am making an attempt to listen to my body and hunger cues. It makes sense.
     On the new weight lifting program front. I am liking it! The workouts for this program, New Rules of Lifting for Women, are shorter than the workouts I was doing for the LiveFit Trainer. They are also spaced out to only 3 days a week which I like better because the other two days I can get a decent run in. When I started on this on Monday I didn't think these workouts would make me very sore because I had been following the LiveFit program but I was wrong! I have definitely felt the workout in my butt and hamstrings!! I look forward to continuing and becoming stronger!
     Today is my Dad's 58th birthday so the whole family is going out to a nice dinner and maybe after dinner cocktails to celebrate! Looking forward to celebrating my fabulous Father! He's the best I could ask for! Then tomorrow is Friday finally so something else to look forward to....WEEKEND!

Total Meltdown...Aisle One

     It started out innocent enough, a trip to Old Navy to pick up a few new duds. It ended with me in the car crying over my body. Yes, I had a meltdown because a pair of shorts didn't fit me right. And I refused to go up a size.  I know this seems so absurd, and it is now that I look back, but at the time it triggered something and I went straight into meltdown mode. Thank goodness I have a very understanding and patient (love you) husband who sat with me through it all and talked sense in to me. He really is rather rational at times, when it doesn't come to Cardinals baseball. After the meltdown and the talking I did realize I was being a little more than unreasonable and I tried to snap out of it.
     Even though it took a meltdown I did come to see a bit of  silver lining in this episode. When I was mid-meltdown Jeremy brought up HOW unhealthy I was a few years back when the clothes hung off me and that I don't need to go back there and I know I don't. But it's a struggle not to fall into that. It is. But I realize that I do feel better since I have started treating myself better and that keeps me from falling back into patterns. But I also realize I do give into some old habits most days, and if I can realize that I need to snap out of it. I can. The Old Navy meltdown made me realize not only how silly I was being at the time, but also how I really can treat myself better and be better to myself inside and out to avoid future meltdowns. So, I guess there was a silver lining to this episode shall we call it.
     So "episode" aside, the weekend was fun. We got to watch the Cardinals WHOOP the Cubs and had great seats!! Today was errand running, house straightening and movie watching day. Productive and relaxing which was needed. With all that behind me now I can look forward to really treating myself better. I am even starting my new weight lifting program tomorrow, so stay tuned for those updates and my progress post meltdown!

Thursday is the new Monday

     Holy Smokes! Whattaday! Glad that tomorrow is Friday, it can't get here soon enough. After the day I have had, my co-worker and I decided that yes, in fact Thursday is like the new Monday. Thursday's have been crazy here the past few weeks.
     Well, I haven't been on here as much as I would like and diving into the projects I want because work has been crazy (see above) and I am pooped at night. But I did take another step in the right direction today. I signed up for a free trial of the NASM certification for personal training to see if I really do like it. This urge to just do it (just like Nike says!) just won't go away and I think that is a sign. I don't think my husband thinks I am serious, guess I just have to prove it.
      As far as my experiment with weightlifting is going, it's still going really well. I do in fact really like this! I finally finished the book New Rules of Lifting for Women. So I am going to start that program next week. While I do like the Livefit trainer, I like the idea in NROL of just 3 shorter weight workouts a bit. Of course I am tweaking it to me in that I will still do cardio/run on days I don't lift and as a warm up to lifting. But they do say in the book to just test out what is best for you! As far as the nutrition front goes, I am drawing advice and ideas from the book I finished, a few of the blogs I read and my own preference and intuitive eating skills I am trying to really develop....finally.
      So things are still moving forward, I just need to stay on it! I may have a little more of a chance to work on things this weekend as it is the first weekend in about three weeks the Dunham duo won't be out of town! But we WILL be attending a baseball game as the St. Louis Cardinals will be playing the (ew) Chicago Cubs! GO BIRDS!

A little experiment

     I am letting everyone in on a multi-faceted experiment I am performing on myself. As I have mentioned before, I have dabbled with the idea of getting my personal training certificate. Well that idea has just stuck with me and I am becoming more and more interested. But, before I dive head first in and sign up for all the material and certification class, I decided to do a little experimentation. I decided to "train" myself. Well, with the help of Jamie Eason's LiveFit trainer. I started this workout routine a couple months ago but gave up, like I typically do with most weight training plans. But this time I knew it was time to commit and try it. So, I made a commitment to myself, and my ideas of future endeavors in training, and dove in.
      The workouts are all online and I print them out each week. I decided to tweak the program a bit. I added cardio each day and an additional abdominal workout day when the workouts and time allowed. It turns out I love this. I really love trying the new exercises and challenging myself. The workouts are challenging in fact my leg workout has kept my thighs burning since Monday!! So needless to say, this part of the experiment is going well and I plan to continue.
      The next part of my experiment is that I am reading a very informative book, The New Rules of Lifting for Women. It is very insightful and I have learned all the damage I was doing to my metabolism by eating too little and working out TOO much. Funny how it takes SO long for ones eyes to be opened. Well, they were. So I am reading this book and taking the nutritional advice in the book combined with ideas from some fabulous blogs I follow and information I already know and am finally committing to changing my eating habits. I mean it won't be over night, but I can promise you I am definitely stepping in the right direction. If I want to not only see results from my new (hard) training as well as possibly one day have a career with something fitness related, I have to get ducks in a row!
     This experiment is really sparking a fire in me. I also received some encouragement from my nutritionist this week. Another eye opening moment if you will. We were discussing my past eating habits and focus on food. She mentioned that I often mentioned not being settled in a career path and perhaps that is why I focused on my body and food. DING DING DING. I did know this in a way, but there it was staring me in the face. Yup, that is why I am so hard on myself, not happy in other areas of my life, so focus on things I control. Maybe I should be a therapist!! Anyway, after emailing with my nutritionist and with experiment in full swing I decided if I want to make a change in my life/career I am the only one who can do it.
      So, I know it won't be instant but I do feel I have a goal and a path. Another thing along this path I want to do is create a better blog. I admire so many of the health/food/fitness bloggers that I read, like Peanut Butter Fingers, Sweet Tooth Sweet Life and many others. I would love to create something along those lines. The only way I am going to do it is to start. So, baby steps. I am reading these blogs that I admire and taking notes. Hopefully this will lead to  making changes sooner rather than later to this blog to make it a better, more fun, exactly what I want blog.
     So that is it for this Hump Day. Experimentation and encouragement! I haven't shared these ideas out loud yet so I guess there they are for the world to see! We will see how this goes!!
     

Eleven Year Streak...over

     Yesterday was America's birthday. Happy Birthday America! We celebrated at the Dunham household with some pool time with me, Jer, Mom and Dad and all the pups. We had a barbecue. A barbecue that ended an eleven year streak of me not eating red meat. For the first time since I bet my Dad eleven years ago that a person COULD live without red meat in their diet, I tried it again. Just a small piece of a kabob. It wasn't THAT bad to be honest, wasn't that good either. But I did it. I am opening up the idea of adding it back in my diet. Of course I made Jeremy's eyes roll when I said I would eat a steak....if it was filet Mignon! ha!!
     I posted my taste test on Facebook and got some funny responses. But I also got a text form a friend that has been with me through all of my struggles with food and it really made me feel good. She told me she saw the post and she was so proud of me.If you are reading this you know who you are...and thank you.
      See, to be honest the eleven year streak wasn't SOLELY to prove my father wrong, although that was most of it, it turned into a distorted thought. I began to think it was bad for you and too fattening and such, and that's why I shouldn't eat it, why I couldn't eat it. But, since I am now giving up all of those beliefs and forcing myself to try new things and give up my habits and beliefs, so goes the ideas over red meat. It will not make me fat. I know PLENTY of healthy, thin, in shape, women (and men) who eat it on a semi-regular basis! So I let it go..and while I am not saying I am eating it all the time, it's not on the forbidden list anymore.
     Another thing that I am giving up is my control over making my own dinner. I tend to get into "food ruts" and cook the same thing over and over. But, this was brought to my attention on Tuesday night by my husband and turned into a (heated) discussion about how I used to let him cook for me. I did and I liked it. But again, I got sucked into the trap of distorted thoughts and behaviors with food. So after much (heated) discussion I told him I would give up (most) of my control and let him cook. All that I asked was that he cook rather healthy (or at least put options there) and that he would let me suggest some recipes to try. He agreed on both accounts and now it's my turn to cooperate and I will.....
     So, that is the progress made so far this week since my last email declaring war against these thoughts and behaviors and my attempt to get better. soon. I think it's pretty good progress for one week if I do say so myself! Today is my Friday so everyone have a fabulous weekend! We will be spending time with Jeremy's parents in Bloomington....who knows what other progress I will make!

The Honest and Ugly Truth (This could be lengthy)

   So, it hit me yesterday that I have not been honest with myself or on this blog for a very long time. Well I haven't been honest with myself longer since the blog has only existed a few months. I digress, I realized that while I have said I want to change and that I am trying, I really haven't been. I  haven't been honest about all my thoughts, feeelings, and attempts to get better. Basically, I have gone through the motions, and while I have made some improvements, I am not where I want to be or need to be, or even really sometimes where I have said I am. So, here it goes, here are ALL the truths about my whole hot mess self, the good, bad and ugly:

 1. I really do like food. I do.
 2. I am scared of food. I let it have power over me.
 3. I really do want to learn to cook. I even have a stash of cookbooks at home, unopened nonetheless.
 4. I have a sweet tooth. My Grandma's italian creme cake is my absolute favorite.
 5. I do really like tofu. Honestly. Try it.
 6. I tend to stay in bad food patterns because I get scared to branch out. Often out of fear of  "getting fat".
 7. I know that if I fuel myself better I will see results I want  to see. I also know I would feel better overall. But for some reason I stop myself. Everytime.
 8. I know if I let myself follow the idea of "everything in moderation" I would be much more satisfied and   my cravings I get sometimes (very badly) would cease.
9.  Letting go of all these issues is scary. They have been ingrained so long. They are a part of me.
10. I want people who have been close to me through this to really stop addressing that I have these issues, to help me move forward. To stop acknowledging it.
11. I want more than anything a balance between nutrition, food, exercise, life.
12. I feel overwhelmed with the amount I read and have read on what, when, how, to eat. I really want to create my own path in this.
13. I know that I can really do this. I hold myself back everytime for reasons I really can't explain.
14. I do not want these issues to effect my life anymore. I don't want them to have control.
15. After all of the therapy, nutrition advice, counseling, training, I have finally realized I will be ok with all this if I commit to it. And let go of some things.
16. I know in my heart it is time to let go of this. That it really is "old news" (sounds like something Mom would say).
17. I do not want to say the words "I am trying" one more time and be lying
18. I really would like to adhere to the 80/20 lifestyle principle.
19. I would eventually love to help others who have been through similar cirumstances. I am even considering getting a personal training certification.
20. I become more and more frustrated with myself and angry with myself the longer I stay in this pattern. Sometimes it feels like being locked in my own jail cell in my head.
21. I do like to track my food and exercise. And some days I hate it.
22. I want to be able to eat out at a restaurant and not worry. Not fuss. Not think about the calories. To order what I want. Enjoy the company.
23. I want to be at parties and not fuss about the goodies I eat.I want to be able to enjoy myself, the party, the people all while listenening to my body. To not starve myself basically all day because I know I will be indulging and then later when I do indulge, feel bad about myself. Or feel overly miserably stuffed.
24. I want to enjoy vacations and little staycations and not fuss about squeezing in exercise.
25. I know that if I let go of this, the stress of this, that I will feel better about it all, about myself, about my body. I am my own stressor. My own worst enemy of sorts.
26. I want to be at peace with myself. I want to be at peace with food. I want to be at peace with my body.

     So there it is. All laid out for the world to see. This is scary. I have never even opened up and said these thoughts to people who have been closest to me through this all including my therapist and nutritionist. But, I feel I need to put it out there to make myself accountable, to read it and see that it really is time to change. I am putting it all on the line and hoping someone out there helps to hold me accountable. Any takers? I also hope that if someone else is going through even something remotely similar that this, that I, helped them. As a close friend of mine and I always say "I'm over it" and I am. I really am going to try to be. It's time.

SlackER

    I realized today that I have been quite a slacker and not caught up on my blog in so time. I really have no good excuse at all. But I reckon it's about time to get things up to speed here!
    First off, life in the Dunham household has changed. Jeremy started a new position and now has a NORMAL person's schedule. No more shiftwork for QUITE some time now. All we have known our entire relationship is a shiftwork schedule, needless to say, this is quite an adjustment. We are adapting to this new schedule rather well in my opinon. He even likes it better after fretting he wouldn't!
     Second, this weekend is a NEW adventure for the Dunham duo. It will be MY first time tent camping. We are going on a float trip with some pals and camping, like real camping. And it's going to be 100 plus degrees outside, yes, one-hundred DEGREES and I will be in tent. All I can say is thank GOD for vodka and good friends. Oh, and did I mention that for the float Team Fabulous will be in a canoe?? Yah, first time there too. If I come back married after this weekend it truly is meant to be!
       Lastly, I think I am hitting another sort of wall/crisis/turning point, whatever you choose to call it. I have been doing WW for some time now and liking it. It has made me  note my eating habits. It's been great, but I think I have learned what I need. I have slipped back a bit exercise wise to mostly running and less weights and to be honest I am not the biggest fan of the way the body is right now. Lack of muscle...again....and at one point I WAS getting somewhere with that muscle develeopment. But, since I decided I don't like where I am at, I decided all I can do is CHANGE it. So that's what I am setting out to do. I have already started a training program that I really like. I still incorporate running because I can't give that up completely, it is my Prozac, but I am adding more weights.
      Now, with said weight training plan, I want to SEE results and I have overcome my stubborn side (me no way!) and realized that to get the results I want to see I am going to have to fuel myself better. A lot better. So, it's time to change it up. Now, with this comes slight confusion becuase there are four-hundred million articles on what to eat, when to eat, how to eat, and everything in between when it comes to weight training. So, while I do glance at some articles that seem to apply, I mostly have been reaching out to friends I know who either know a lot on the topic or who have habits I admire. And of course, me being me, I orderd a book on the topic that had good reviews.
       I think I am just hitting these "blinding realizations" more and more as I head towards the Big 3-0, realizing that if I want to do something to do it. TO STOP giving into my insecurities that have been around most of my twenties. To finally, really want to be healthy in many ways. I guess this is what one calls growing up and I am doing it. I want to chronicle it more on here, cause I think it will help. So I will try my best to do so, whether you are interested or not it may be on here!
    So that is what is new in Dunhamland....just a few new things and changes. Tonight is an exciting trip to Wal-Mart for me and the Mister to load up for the float trip. Wish me luck....with Wal-Mart, the canoe, the heat......in the words of Mr. Jimmy Buffett "Come Monday, it'll be alright...."

The Week That Never Ends

     O.M.G. it has been a long week. Not sure what is in the air but I know I am not the only person feeling this way. I don't know what it is, but Friday can go ahead and get here already.
     One thing that has been rather different this week is Jeremy's new schedule with work. He accepted a new position at his department and is now working a Monday through Friday shift which is something that has never been the norm at our house. We have always been a couple on a shift-work schedule so this is going to be new. I will report as time goes on how both parties are adjusting....one thing I know is that the pups will love it.
     Even though the week is dragging on like none other, we do have fun plans this weekend. My parents bought Jeremy and I really great seats for the Cardinals game on Saturday night. These particular tickets include all you can drink beer (a fave of Jeremy's) but I plan to enjoy more than a few myself along with the nacho bar! Tortilla chips...YES PLEASE!!! But we are staying in St. Louis that evening as well (safer, much safer) so it's kind of like a mini getaway. At least I get to sleep in a bed that lacks dog hair!
    So, Friday can hurry up and come my way, cause I do have fun things to get to! Hope you all have a fabulous Summer weekend as well!

Long Weekend Ahead!!

     When did Memorial Day weekend sneak up? I am not sure where May went but Memorial Day weekend is here! YAY! Official start to summer...and a long weekend to celebrate that fact. LOVE. IT. Not much on the Dunham's agenda for the big weekend, but I do feel some pool time in our future since we have it up and running now! Ahh...sun and pool and I am sure a few cocktails! SUMMATIME!!!!
     Hope that everyone else has a fabulous long weekend and enjoys the sun, maybe a few cocktails and the extra day off from work!! Enjoy! Cheers!

Been M.I.A.

     Last night Jeremy asked me why I don't blog anymore. And then I realized it has been awhile since I wrote something on here, like at least a week. I used to do it everyday, I am slacking. I tried to think of why I hadn't written and I don't really have that great of an excuse. But then again I do....has anyone heard of a little book called "Fifty Shades of Grey"??
       If you have  NOT heard of this book then you need to get on Amazon or Google right NOW. And I mean NOW. It's actually a trilogy of books...and they are awesome. Twilight what??
     So, reading Fifty Shades has been taking a bit of my time up. Some of the other time has been spent in STL watching the Cardinals! Always fun and makes it really feel officially like SUMMER!! Thank goodness!
     On the self-improvement front, things are actually going well. What's funny is that doing this Weight Watchers Online program was probably the best thing I could have done. Yes, again Mom, you were right. But honestly with that and armed with my Intuitive Eating notes I have far fewer body meltdowns and issues with eating. I mean I do still struggle, but those fights and fusses with myself (and my clothes) are fewer and farther between. And actually I branched out and bought...skinny jeans! Yes, I was like the only female on the planet who did NOT own a pair of skinny jeans. But part of the reason I never purchased a pair was that I thought I would look HUGE or they wouldn't fit right or I looked silly. But, last week, on Friday I wore my first pair of skinny jeans with a new top and some heels. And I liked it. I even got compliments, albeit from my mom and my brother's GF, but still!! So, I think things are on the upswing in that department.
    So, now here it is almost Friday and another weekend ahead of me. Thank the HAIR GODS that this one includes a visit to the salon for this white-trash roots chick. Seriously. Bad. And besides that I have dinner with some girlfriend's Friday and some family time scheduled as well. The husband is out protecting the innocent civilians of the area, so it's a low key weekend at the Dunham household. Which sometimes is good for the soul...and the foils will be good for the hair.

Good Karma

     Today feels like one of those days I put some good karma out there. I like that. I had a friend of mine who I knew was struggling with some food/diet/exercise issues so I gave her my Intuitive Eating book along with the Operation Beautiful book to help her. She seemed so appreciative and when I saw her later in the day she said the Intuitive Eating book was "speaking to her" which were my exact words when I read it. I only hope it helps her like it did me!! Feels good to help out girlfriends who have hit a bump in the road.
     I also helped my younger cousin with some cousinly (that's not a word, but I like it) marriage advice. She got married in 2010 and is still having that adjustment to married life thing. Hell, so am I some days. But she needed to vent and some advice so again, I was happy to oblige and give her my 2 cents. Hope that helped her as well!
     Week is already half way over, not going to complain I have a fun weekend ahead. Full of Mother's Day dinners, Cardinals games, getting to hang out with my younger brother, his girlfriend, and some good friends, and of course, time with the husband. But what I am really looking forward to this evening is going home and reading more of the new book I am addicted to..."Fifty Shades of Grey". If you haven't heard of it GOOGLE it, then RUN, don't walk to the bookstore and get a copy. It.Is.Fabulous. I highly recommend!!     
     So happy hump day to all!!!

Lunch with the Girls

     I am so happy Friday has finally arrived. For some reason looking back on this week it seems long. Weird. But, I did get to squeeze in a Cardinals game on a gorgeous Wednesday night and lunch with the girls today, so not a bad week at all.
     Wednesday was finally a NON-rainy day so Jeremy, my friend Casey and I took full advantage and went to the Cardinals game. Besides being a GORGEOUS night, it was an awesome game. We had a lot of fun, but made for a tired Thursday. That's for sure.
     Today I had the pleasure of going out to lunch with some girlfriends. It's always a nice treat to get to go out to lunch with the girls. Even if it is only a quick lunch on a workweek, it does brighten up the day! So thanks to those girls for perking up my Friday!
     When I look back to those things this week I think of the fun I had. The old Jen would have fussed probably before and after each event, worried about, calories, working out, this and that. But with both my new way of thinking and armed with my Weight Watchers App I know that everything is just fine. It's life. It's food. It's supposed to be fun and enjoyable and I am getting that. Hooray!
     So now it is on towards the weekend! Mom and I are heading out tomorrow to shop and spend a girl's day together, so another thing to look forward too. Just hoping the rain stays away for the weekend!

Just like that

     1:58:48...and that was that. That time there was my time in the Christie Clinic Half Marathon this weekend. I am very happy with it. My goal was to make it across that finish line in under two hours and I did! I was thrilled.
     Now I was not thrilled the ENTIRE thirteen miles per say, but all in all it was a good run. When Sam and I headed out the door that morning it was raining and we both were dreading a LONG 13.1 miles in the rain. But, alas, by the time we got to the starting line in Champaign it was fine. Cloudy, overcast and chilly but fine, no rain! The course was very similar to last year so that helped some when the mind starts playing tricks on you that  you may not last the whole way through. But, about mile 11 I did hit a wall but knowing the end was near, and some Katy Perry blaring in my ears, helped me forge through. Sam was even right there at the finish line when I crossed, she finished in an awesome 1:52:00! I was proud of her and I! We met our goals.
     Once back home down here in Southern Illinois, after enduring a nasty springtime thunderstorm complete with tornadoes nearby, a group of us headed out to dinner and a few drinks. It was fun to get out and eat, drink and be merry with everyone even though I was exhausted. Sunday was a funday for the Dunham's too. We went to the Cardinals game and although the game ended up being a stinker, we did have a fun afternoon. Once home it was definitely couch time!
      So now I am sitting here on the couch watching some Real Housewives, laundering the mounds of clothes that never seem to dissipate and relaxing my rather sore calves! And of course now that it's all over I know that that half probably WASN'T my last ever, but it was my last for awhile. I am looking forward to running more for enjoyment for awhile, rather than training, and getting into a good weight lifting routine! Not so scared to branch out anymore, funny how that happens!

Oh...and in case anyone was curious, running a 1/2 Marathon earns you 19 Weight Watcher Activity points!!!

One week down and Countdown Commence

     Well, it has been one whole week since beginning Weight Watchers and I am loving it. Being the type-A person I am I  like the organization and tracking of it all. However, it's not so over the top  where I have to exactly measure everything exactly which is refreshing! I also am learning how much I really eat and how much I can eat. For the FIRST time in as long as I can remember I am not CONSTANTLY thinking about food, which, my friends, is SO refreshing!
     But, what is on my mind this week is the Illinois Marathon and Half-Marathon this Saturday in Champaign, Illinois. Me and my friend Sam will be heading up on Friday afternoon to run the race for the second year in a row. Last year, the alleged "flat" course was not as flat as described in the course description online, but this year we know a little more what we are getting into. Although I know what I am getting into, I am rather anxious for it to be here. I have trained a little longer this year than in years past since I injured my knee last July and wanted to make sure it would hold up. So, it seems like I have been on this training schedule forever. Seriously, it has been since like February. Forever. But, I know when I cross that finish line on Saturday morning all of my hard work and anxiety about it will be TOTALLY worth it. I do this every time I run a big race. As does Sam. It's kind of what we runners do.
     I will be sure to post updates after the race on not only the race itself but our adventure up there. We are staying in a rather "out dated" hotel as Sam has described it , so that should be interesting. I told her as long as it's clean I am good to go. One doesn't get much sleep the night before a 1/2 anyways. After the race we are heading back home (with a possible stop at an outlet mall..uh oh) and that evening we have plans to celebrate with our husbands and friends.
      However,I can only hope this weekend's celebration is slightly different than the celebration Jeremy and I had, well more so I had, at a friend's wedding last weekend. It looked something like this:

 Me + LARGE glasses of white wine - adequate amounts of food = Jen passed out (HARD) at 10:00 p.m.

      It wasn't pretty, nor was Sunday morning at all. I learned my lesson on drinking not so expensive wine and pacing myself. I learned it the hard way. Jeremy has photographic evidence.
     But until Saturday, I wait and rest up as much as I can for the big race. Friday evening's prep will include a good pasta dinner for fuel! MMM! Points will not matter as much this weekend as I think I will earn my fair share over my 13.1 mile trek. I will be in touch after, see you all at the finish line.

Up and Running

     Well I did it. I committed to Weight Watchers for at least 4 months! I went back and forth most of the day thinking I didn't really need to do it or thinking maybe I overreacted, but in the end I listened to myself and jumped on in! I registered online and downloaded the app for my phone and now I am up and running and so far loving it!
     I really feel like this time something in me clicked more than the other AHA moments I have had along the way. This time I feel like I am really doing it for me and not to make someone else happy or to get someone off my back. This time I don't really care if people give me funny looks about it, it's my body and my life. I have a feeling this will also teach me a lot about some of the distortions I have with food and how much I eat a day. Well, I can't lie it already has due to my tracking today. I can only expect more enlightenment along the way.
      Now, it is on to have my little weight watcher friendly treat and watch the Cardinals kick some butt in the game!! BIRDS!